I can't believe how quickly time has gone by this year. I'm still in the habit of writing "2009" whenever I put a date down somewhere; and it feels like summer has only just started and now it's already coming to an end. Teddy will be 1 1/2 years old tomorrow (tomorrow afternoon to be exact!) - how did that happen? We've only just had his first birthday party!
Things that I always thought were quite some way away are now right at the doorstep - a wedding in September that I still haven't got an outfit for; the trip to see my family in October that I should probably start planning for now...
September will also be the month that most of my friends from my antenatal group will start trying for their second. Again, this fills me with dread (see post below) as I'd always imagined I'd be pregnant before them.
To be quite honest, I don't know what the rush is. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with this, why I feel such pressure to become pregnant and especially to a certain timetable. Rationally, I know that there is absolutely no rush - there are even some advantages if it takes longer, as we still haven't found a bigger house yet, so getting that out of the way first might be better. Teddy is still young and even though I'd wanted a closer spacing, it certainly wouldn't do any harm to have a bigger gap. But emotionally, I just go crazy - it's like I'm hyperventilating inside every time I think about it.
I seriously think I have to relax a bit, or at least try to - even my body is showing signs of stress now. Two weeks ago I had a cold sore, which I only get either when I have a nasty cold (which I didn't) or when I'm under a serious amount of stress. Now I've developed eczema on my eyelids, which is also a condition that I normally only get under high pressure/ stress. M keeps telling me to "just relax and it will happen" anyways but quite honestly that just makes me cross most of the time!
But I do think I'll have to try and not let it get to me so much; the endless crying and worrying certainly doesn't help matters. I should focus on the positive things in my life and try to keep my mind off TTC related matters every once in a while...!
It can be so hard to focus on other things, but I have found that for me. Positive visualization (picturing things exactly how I want them to be for about 5-10 minutes) and then afterward letting it go and trying not think about it for a few hours works well. I also am a big fan of trying to stay very very busy with other things when the stress of waiting gets too hard. I hope things get easier for you soon!
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