Hopes and Fears

So now, at 10DPO, I'm thinking al lot more about my two biggest fertility fears. They are - rather contradictory - twins and secondary infertility.
Twins, as my sister had twins, so I might have inherited the double-ovulation trait too. I know lots of people are keen on having twins and I probably wouldn't have minded before I had Teddy. But now, knowing what life with a newborn/infant/toddler is like, I don't know how/if I could cope with twins. Some days I can barely cope with one! So yes, I'm scared of getting pregnant with twins.
My other fear is what worries me more though. I know that this can just happen to anyone, even if you've had a baby and no trouble conceiving them. I know that my general paranoia probably magnifies this fear; just like I was convinced it would take me a year when we first started trying.
These are probably two very stupid fears. Maybe people with real problems would like to smack me round the head for having those fears. That doesn't make them any less real for me though.


I think I'm just generally in a bad place at the moment, the 2WW definitely takes its toll. It just brings up the worst in me - my pessimism, my anxiety, my obsessing over little things that could indicate this, that or the other. I've been extremely grumpy for almost a week now, M is already getting annoyed. The fact that I smacked off my wing mirror yesterday because I was moping in my own little world and not paying attention to traffic certainly didn't help! I'm so convinced I'm not pregnant, yet I can't stop hoping.