Firsts

There is a first time for everything. This morning, for the first time ever AF arrived when I didn't want her to.
Even though I had this very strong feeling that I wasn't pregnant, actually being confronted with not being pregnant was a shock, and a disappointment. Even though I thought I'd prepared myself, the ugly truth still hit me in the face.
Needless to say I'm not in the best of moods today, very sad, very self-pitying; I feel like I don't want to see anyone and just want to curl up on the sofa and be miserable. M told me to "just snap out of it" this morning and made and annoyed face, which, quite honestly, doesn't help at all.
The only thing that can still put a smile on my face is my first - my only -my little boy. He got an extra big hug and cuddle this morning so I could smell his sleepy baby smell and feel his little body snuggled against mine and stroke his soft, silky skin. I think I'd go crazy without him (well, crazier than I already am, that's for sure!).