5w4d

The good thing about finding out you're pregnant is... that you're already give or take 4 weeks when you find out! You've already put one month behind you.
But then the waiting game begins.
I can't say I'm any more relaxed this time than I was with Teddy - I'm still a bundle of nerves waiting to get out of the first trimester. And it seems to stretch sooo long. I won't even see a midwife for another two weeks or so; and the first scan will be the NT and dating scan at 12 weeks. I find it very hard to just trust that everything's ok and baby is developing as it should (maybe that's why I keep taking pregnancy tests?). Much as I hated the nausea and morning sickness I experienced during my last pregnancy, I also found it very reassuring as this was a tangible proof that I was still pregnant. So in a way I can't wait to feel sick, although in a few weeks time I'll probably wish I'd never said this! At the moment I feel hungry all the time, I'm absolutely ravenous and could eat all day long. I definitely didn't have this last time!
It's starting to sink in a bit more that I'm pregnant, though it still feels slightly unreal without any symptoms. I have told two people IRL; my best oldest friend who lives far away and my best mummy friend. M was furious with me for telling as I'd instructed him not to tell anyone - but oh well! I feel as I'm the one who's more concerned at the moment it's fair enough. Plus, his best mate only told him his wife was pregnant when she was 12 weeks along, so I think it's fair enough if he doesn't tell him now.
We have planned our trip to see my family for mid-late October, so I think we will tell them then, and M's parents when we come back - I will be 9-10 weeks then, which sounds safe enough. I'm hoping that by then I'll have seen my midwife and at least heard the heartbeat on the doppler.
Sometimes when I look at Teddy it makes me sad that I'm pregnant - he is still so much my baby, but I guess that will never change. I feel like I'm taking something away from him, which is stupid as he will gain a sibling. Ans so many people have told me that the love doesn't halve, it just doubles. But it's hard to believe at the moment. He's also in such a Mummy-phase right now - being very clingy and just wanting me, not Daddy, all the time. I'm a bit anxious about what it will be like with a newborn baby and a demanding toddler, especially as the nightmare of the early days is still so vivid in my memory - I really hope it will be easier this time!