The Bean

The bean is just adorable. And lovely, and cute. I absolutely love the bean with all my heart. He's just my teeny tiny bean!
-Of course, I'm talking about Teddy here. Ever since he first was created, he was "the bean" - even beforehand, I would bug M by saying "I want a bean!". He looked just like a little bean when we first saw him at an ultrasound, at 7 weeks. So the name stayed, although we also frequently use the word just to describe babies or children in general ("A family with four beans", "Oh, look at those cute bean clothes"). If a stranger ever looked at my shopping list, they would probably be thrown by the expression "bean yoghurt" which frequently appears on it.
So yes, when M and I are talking about "The Bean" these days we mean Teddy. Of course he has got lots of other related names too, like the Monkey Bean or the Beanitor (I believe that one is a merge between bean and terminator, a nod to the amount of destruction he can create in a short space of time).
So this makes it a bit weird when we're talking about the "new" bean! Normally, we refer to the new baby as "the second bean" or "bean #2" which somehow doesn't sound right and also makes it sound like it's something less (am I making sense here?). I guess Teddy is just so much "our baby" still that we find it hard to imagine that there will be another, "real" baby here soon. I know that this is probably a silly fear but sometimes I do think, could I ever love another baby as much as I love Teddy? It almost seems impossible. I also feel guilty for taking "me" away from him when the new baby is here; for depriving him of our full attention and love.
I know it's silly really. I have spoken to lots of other mums who all said that the love doesn't halve; it doubles, so you have the same amount as before, for each child. And I know Teddy will benefit from having a sibling to play with and grow up with. But sometimes I can't help thinking of how I won't ever be able to do this or that with him again, or share those quiet moments. Maybe I am just scared of the change that will happen in my life?